Week 98: Happy Paddy’s (belated)…

 

Monday

AM. Spent the whole weekend avoiding Owen’s sexalicious friend William for fear of instantly falling into bed with him. I am not that person anymore, I am happily engaged. So instead, spent a considerable amount of time continuing with my research in anticipation of National Retro Dessert Week (NRDW). My initial findings were thus: there is a lot of ground to cover, in which case it might be more prudent to initiate a National Retro Dessert Month… or at least a fortnight.

PM. Harked back to the good old days at lunchtime with a bowl of Strawberry Angel Delight; it’s like re-discovering an old friend! It will definitely feature as part of NRDW, but Arctic Roll isn’t even getting a look in, that shit can feck right off. It’s one of those treats from your childhood that’s best left as a memory, a bit like Wham Bars or Bird’s Trifle Mix.

Tuesday

AM. So many more desserts to explore but still find myself re-visiting the jam donut, it really is a revelation. Although it has to be said, donuts are definitely smaller than I remember when I was a kid, and I don’t buy the whole Creme Egg USA debacle where they peddled the crappy excuse of ‘it didn’t get smaller, you’ve just grown up’. Me hole! The bastards have shrunk them.

PM. Bored at work and found myself looking at William’s Facebook photo again. I feel dirty. How can I even sleep with this guilty conscience?

Wednesday

AM. Couldn’t sleep last night, however nothing to do with guilt over a yet-to-be-committed forbidden sexual encounter and everything to do with pondering the issue of what kind of retro dessert one might partake of on Paddy’s Day (i.e. today).

PM. Got it! Answer: I’m advocating Bread and Butter Pudding, because it’s dense and therefore provides soakage for the vast amount of alcohol that will be consumed. It just goes to show how desserts can be functional as well as delicious. Will now put my theory to the test with the ceremonial joining of Bread and Butter Pudding and Guinness.

Thursday

AM. Ugh! The above… not my finest idea… more sleep now. 

PM. Tummy sick but must push ahead for the sake of NRDW. A slice of Pineapple Swiss Roll will make me feel better.

Friday

AM. Still sick at home, but thankfully Owen coming around later with some mags and a bag of jam donuts.

PM. Typical! After days of avoiding William, Owen brings him around while I am stuck on the sofa looking like Death’s aging auntie in crappy PJs. Things got a bit heated when Owen left the room and William asked for a taste of my jam donut. Unable to resist, I offered him some, only to have him take a bite right from the jammy part. Like, who in the entire history of the universe has ever thought it was okay to bite the middle part of someone’s jam donut!? Any normal polite person would automatically take their bite from the side. Thankfully, it means I don’t find William remotely attractive now owing to his blatant social ineptness in the realm of jam donuts, phew. Crisis averted.